cigarettes

the best networking tool
-anyone that smokes outside the office is cooler than anyone in the office
-a solid joint understanding an unspoken sense of agreement of each other and their badassness
-i would say talking to someone while you both are smoking is 1.75 more networking effective

feeling better

i dunno what it is

maybe the farther away addiction gets the better i feel

but i am starting to feel better

less depressed

i dunno

i hope it sticks

cool backgrounds!

yep i found some cool backgrounds on kidrobot.com, they also have iphone backgrounds too




also i really want to buy something. i was thinking clothes or shoes, maybe some fly nikes? i read something about a new apple touch screen netbook that might come out this year. gaaaaaaaaaaahhhh i want to buy something so bad.

now time to do my taxes.
yay.

sick week

i dont know why but ever since middle school i have gotten sick like once a month on average
okay maybe exaggerated a little
i think twice every three months is accurate
seriously
i get sick a lot

ive gotten the flu twice this month
and ive used up all my sick days for the year already
yeah
thats it
my head hurts so much
im going to go lay down

quotes

"in there lies the problem." -hulk hogan

"it was the story of my life, and then i was dead." -my roommate when describing a dream where she died. i think she meant to say that her life flashed before her eyes.

"he was eating putty out of the palm of my hand." -the bizz's friend

"...just using odds and ends meet." -the bizz's same friend

hello!

im at work
i dressed fancy today
also
im getting fatter
but yes
being fancy cancels out the fat so im all good
anyway
went to the clinic today
and im finally starting my taper
yep
its official
i cant wait to get off this stuff
and my wonderful girlfriend is going to be here in the summer when i get off this so that will be good
withdrawal is always scary though
something you cant understand without going through it
not like there arent other more horrible and terrifying things that people go through
but withdrawal is very different
and i have to say that people underestimate it because they think that it doesnt seem hard
but it is so so much different
your brain is conditioned to believe that you need something to survive
and it will do anything to get it
not to mention the physical parts
well all i know is i hate being on suboxone
so i guess thats one side covered

at work

im at work
i got here late
15min late
yeah
i find that i dont care how late i am until i actually get in the car
yeah
anyway
im at work
im on a call right now actually
talking to people from yahoo
yep
boring post i know
but i have to have some boring ones so that the good ones seem gooder

hulu.com is cool and so is all forms of government

melodramatic post

i am suffering from depression
i really think i am
and i think it is being caused by the suboxone i take
i have been on this dose for 3 months already
the oc withdrawals are not the cause those are over
i should have evened out
it doesnt make sense
i dont know why i feel like this
i know what normal feels like
and i have things and people i love very much
i know i should be happy
i have no drive
i am tired
i know this sounds like some emo highschool girl's myspace but this is real
this is not normal
if you havent felt opiate withdrawal you cannot understand what this feels like
it changes how your brain works
your state of mind is totally and physically different
you cant understand if you havent felt this
you have to fight what your body thinks is the only way to survive
pain sadness
i dont know how i cant sound melodramatic
addiction and withdrawal creates feelings that healthy people cant imagine
it could be much worse
but that doesnt make me feel better

if you are in worse
good luck,
and im sorry

"If we could sniff or swallow something that would, for five or six hours each day, abolish our solitude as individuals, atone us with our fellows in a glowing exaltation of affection and make life in all its aspects seem not only worth living, but divinely beautiful and significant, and if this heavenly, world-transfiguring drug were of such a kind that we could wake up next morning with a clear head and an undamaged constitution - then, it seems to me, all our problems (and not merely the one small problem of discovering a novel pleasure) would be wholly solved and earth would become paradise."

ALDOUS HUXLEY
1894 - 1963

anyway, i try not to fill my blog up with long and impertinent quotes, but i thought this one was interesting. i think aldous huxley was one of the monkees or something. i just think it's so interesting because the monkees, too me, seemed so much like the beatles.

Stranded

(my desk at work)

I woke up to the horrible "trill" ringtone on my iPhone today. It's just so annoying but I think that helps me get up becuase im annoyed instead of soothed, enraged instead of comforted, you poke a bear to wake it up, not cuddle with it. Anyway, cold wet rainy today but mine car is has a ridiculous defroster for some reason seruslllly iz like a frost sniper. /// anywaz I'm a go to work and my comp so won't tirnn on yep so it is broke. Done

And I I I thought well I can't work let's just air here and blog on my iPhone untill IT comes back with my comp

Listen to some animal collective
Drink some coca cola
Done deal

I feel like having Christmas in space

U.S.P.D.B.F.T.M. (Ultra Special President's Day Blog for the Masses)

okay so i am in my room / had to do some work from home today / account launch / my first account launch actually / and the first one of this kind that has ever been done at the company / it make me feel special / a little / anyway / im in my room / and i thought i would take some pictures....... with captions

thats my "smorkin' labbit", my HD tv, & my playstation 3 that my wonderful girlfriend got me for christmas.


my cigarettes


my lighter, i like them better than bics because they have a big button and they are chubbier


playstation 3 controller


the subutex that keeps me ok


my ballin' ralph lauren wallet


a zipper pull that i got from kid robot, i got one for my honey girl too


my favorite pair of jeans


the shoes i have been wearing lately

yup

i wish

that san francisco was flat, so i could ride my fixed gear bike,
and had parking
and i wish i that could teleport to visit my girlfriend whenever i wanted

Engadget Today

So, Engadget, for some reason, is putting pictures of jason in all of their post pictures today. i dont know why. anyway, i thought this way pretty crazy; it's a robot helicopter camera with a 1.8 gigapixle camera which takes pictures at 15 fps. just to give an idea of how big those pictures are and how many pixels that is - if it was flying at 15,000 feet each pixel would be only about six inches! that is ridiculous!




<-my personals favorite. the reflection, so artsy.

Zodiac Killer

okay so i get bored at work and usually read wikipedia or opiophile
research random topics
usually reading about drugs
but sometimes other things
such as yesterday i was reading about the zodiac killer
and let me tell you
if olivia benson and elliot stabler were on that case, the zodiac would have got glomped
big time
i just dont understand how he didnt get caught
he shot a cab driver while he was in the cab
in front of 4 people
and had the time to cut off a piece of the cab driver's shirt
and walk away
and he walked right past the police responding to the crime but they thought they were looking for a black guy
not a white guy so they didn't think it was him
how do you not get caught?
this zodiac guy must have been very smart
seriously
those codes or puzzles that he sent?
<- that is a decoded one, zodiac cannt spel. he also doesnt sound very cruise(hawaiian slang, synonym for: chill.)

tired

heres what i think i know about suboxone

suboxone is 4 parts buprenorphine 1 part naloxone

it is a semi-synthetic opiod

it is an part angonist and part antagonist

it makes me not sick but i feel like i cant feel happy

i have things that i love

people i love so much

but love is different than happiness

my day to day life

i feel so sad when i shouldnt

buprenorphine doesnt make me feel happy

it does help me not feel sick from oc withdrawals but come on its been 3 months

if i just went cold turkey off of oc i would be totally fine by now

it would have taken like 1 week of hell and 3 weeks of kinda shitty days

and i would have been good

but no i picked bupe

im addicted to it and it doesnt even make me feel good

that seems like a rip off to me

i mean if i stop taking it im going to feel horrible

but im sad when i take it

and its worse when i dont take it

i feel so tired sometimes

i just want to stay at home all day

i look forward to sleeping so i can stop thinking

i dont want to die

i want to be happy

i want to love life but i dont

i just keep going

because i know its supposed to get better

if i didnt have faith in that

i wouldnt even try

iced coffee

at work
how to make iced coffee at work
first
fill cup half full with hot coffee
then
put a spoon full of instant coffee in
then put ice cubes in
ice cubes melt

holy shit
my boss is listening to his ipod
and he is dancing in chair
and it is very awkward
i had to stop talking about iced coffee for a second
okay
annnnd

we're back

so now you have strong watered down coffee
now after its cold
put some cream or milk in to dilute it a little more
and there you go
so now its just right
not too watered down like what you would get by just putting ice in hot coffee



so i got an iphone
and my brother helped my jailbreak
so now i can run unofficial applications
so now i have all these super dorky cool hacked apps
like dTunes or video camera
where i can download songs on my phone like itunes
except everything is free
and now when my phone starts up it shows a pineapple instead of an apple logo
i think that makes me super cool

at work

sitting at my desk
she just went to bed
hey i have a girlfriend
and i love her
yep
life is getting a lot better
im in a band now too
last weekend we made a song
well
it was totally improvised
it sounded like venus in furs
it was our first jam with our new member
his name is sprout and he plays the violin
everything sounded perfect to me
and i just
couldnt stop myself from playing
there was just
so much energy
it was a lot of fun
when we record a final version ill put it up on here
we still need a singer
or one of us has sing
i think i might try
if stephen malkmus can be jesus then i can probably sing a song

ive been having weird panic attacks lately
i feel better now
i had a dream that i was laying on the sidewalk
and i couldnt move
and someone was pouring oxycontin into my chest
its hard sometimes

im okay
she makes me feel optimistic
i love her