back

holy balls
i slept 3 hours last night on a plane
got in this morning and had to go straight to work
now ive been at work for like 6 hours
this is horrible
i feel like throwing up
body hurts
eyes are so dry
need sleep
i dont eat cheese wiz

at work

get to work at 9:06am
check blogs and myspace
zone out for like 20 minutes
look at bike stuff
then at around 10am i start actually working
check budgets and spend for yesterday
make sure yahoo is spending the right amount of money
and getting the most money for what they spend
pretty easy stuff
the idea is once you find out what keyword bring in the most money you spend more on them
so tweak some bids looking at past account performance
yep its almost the end of the quarter so theres pressure to spend the exact targets

i cant concentrate on anything
heart beats fast
palms get sweaty
hands shake
mind racing

this weekend did some christmas shopping for the girl
yep ill wait to post what i got her so it wont spoil the surprise
but i think that i did pretty good
the only thing is i did it kinda late and it wont get there until after christmas >_<
well thats what i get for waiting
but seriously
i spend all week working
and i usually wake up at 5pm on the weekends and am too tired
i hibernate on the weekends
its true

Cowboy Bebop

starting watching anime again
because
well i watch a lot of scrubs because i stay home a lot now
you know the deal
not doing drugs
i dont have much energy anymore
and my body aches
not too bad anymore
you know how when you have the flu
and your body just aches and is really sensitive to cold
thats what i feel like all the time
not that bad
but just enough to be really annoying
anyway
so i watch scrubs online and the website was down so i was looking at other stuff to watch in the anime section when i found cowboy bebop
let me tell you
i used to be all about cowboy bebop
it is a very good show
never tacky anime plots
constantly interesting and undeniably badass


people have said i look like spike, the protagonist in cowboy bebop, i dont really see it; it must be the green hair. he smokes lucky strike filters

i think this show is the reason i started smoking cigarettes

good reason
great reason

~music
girl talk is kinda cool
the champagne of mash up djs
also,
"Heartbeats" by The Knife
is the jam

i can breathe again

thats right
my lugubrious, seemingly interminable, malady has started to die
my stuffy nose
has been replaced with an, equally adorable yet fully functioning, nose & nostril combo

im feeling a lot better these days
i stopped crying all the time
i have my own place
i have a rock-hard six pack
im not addicted to pain killers
i have money
i have love
i have friends

going to sleep

just got off the phone with her
laying in bed
toes are cold
my futon is quite lonely right now
tonight im going to dream of shibuya
oyasuminasai

sunday

waiting for her to call
sitting on futon
wearing a 90 dollar t shirt
i used to think i was cool for buying stuff like that
now i think it makes me a little bit lame
i saw cocaine today
i have never liked cocaine
it was always pretty annoying and uncomfortable for me
but i saw some today
and my brain just felt like it was being dragged across rocks or something
i wanted not to be sober
more than anything
but
i stepped outside
thought about the summer
thought about where i could be next year
thought about how i have to be strong to have the things that i really want
and everything was okay
everything was good
its really hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel sometimes

im not a self righteous guy
im just a soulful dude

keep going,
atmosh

short thoughts before work

at my desk
brushed my teeth
took my pills
smoked a cigarette, parliament light 100
thinking about where i want to be
she has ensnared my feelings and intoxicated my mind all over again
i had no idea what i was in for
it breaks me sometimes
but i wouldnt have it
any
other
way



more at lunch,
atmosh

watched a movie last night

was feeling pretty damn sad
and nauseous
unrelated anxiety attack afterward
but yes
i watched a movie last night
it was called
the velvet underground under review

interesting if you like the velvet underground
probably very very boring if you dont
anyway
heroin
is stuck in my head
the velvet underground give me the feeling
the feeling that pavement gives me
the feeling that i want to yell cry explodeinarelativelyunviolentway i want to be nothing because nothing matters except what im thinking about and the little things that i care about are the only pieces of the everything are substantial

I have made the big decision
Im gonna try to nullify my life
cause when the blood begins to flow
When it shoots up the droppers neck
When Im closing in on death
And you cant help me not, you guys
And all you sweet girls with all your sweet silly talk
You can all go take a walk
And I guess that I just dont know
And I guess that I just dont know




i know which way i want
my perfect world isnt fair

the thanksgiving i needed

microwave pizzas
nintendo ds
and a lot of bad tv shows
i cant and i cant not
im still broken & sick
but i think i might be getting much better
hopefully it's soon


at work now
got in 16 minutes late
but is was all good because i walked in at exactly the same time as my boss's boss's boss
he is a cool guy
i just made an international presentation for coca-cola a week ago
i didnt think i could do it as well as i did
i had a lot of help with it but i was still working 13 hour days for a little bit
anyway
im glad that coke thing is over


im in love with someone that i cant have
& im pretty sure that someone loves me too
pretty sure


i have two quarters two nickles & one solitary dime
bandaids
old cans of coke
three mini samurai swords & matching mini samurai sword rack
r2d2 and a lego joker
all on top da desk, boo

it was everything i was hoping for but now that its gone its not what i expected

new domain URL

i just thought i should change it for privacy reasons

yup yup
so im at work
myspacing
started my taper on suboxone
starting to feel some withdrawal symptoms
not too bad though
no cravings
and i think cravings are the worst
oh
i found a place in the city
kinda small
but it has a walk in closet
and its cheap
only 600/month

got a new pair of jeans

yep its true
you heard the rumors
i got new jeans
dark denim
tight as your parents
and theyre on my legs
they look nice
you know what song is the jam?
its called "heartbeats" by a band called "the Knife"
if you like catchy techno with weird noises with bjorky vocals
yep itz zeh jahm

opiates control my mind
seriously
never ever try any opiate
unless you want to find out what the best feeling is the world is
i cant remember anything as happy, fulfilling, & wholly satisfying as oxycontin
it doesnt feel like a drug
the feelings it creates feel totally organic
but you have to realize that they arent
and you are stealing and cheating just to get a fix
wow
i thought this was going top be a happy post
well there you go

Suboxone

it has been a week and a half since my last dose of oxy contin
i feel almost normal again
i dont think i could have ever done this without suboxone
this has been by far the hardest thing i have ever done


so I found a place
pretty nice
with some college students
pretty cheap for the city
oh shet
and yeah
i forgot to tell you
....
i got a nintendo DS!
yup
just been playing pokemon nonstop
seriously
pokemon diamond is pretty hard in the beginning

out of the woods

lying down
holy shit
it has been
a hellish couple of days
but today
i can eat again
which is fun
i kinda missed eating
also
i can actually think now
think thoughts
and i can get out of the house without crying
well most of the time

the last pick up

so i saw my man for the last time
agent M15 as i like to call him
yes so

the last pick up

it was a cold and windy night in san francisco, the city of love
rollin down the street in dark blue volvie
heated seats ablaze left our bountiful busty badass asses balmy and gratified
atm
two hundred and twenty dollars
handshake
drive
peel
crush
comb
sssssssssssniff
high.

clinic

lets start from the start


i need help
i find out about suboxone
suboxone blocks opiates while reducing cravings and withdrawal symptoms

go on their website
find a list of all the doctors in the bay area that offer suboxone treatment
call all of them
earliest appointment that i can get is january 20th
i call one of them back to ask for pricing and it turns out that someone canceled an appointment
i make an appointment for nov 6th

okay
thats the first part
so
i went there last thursday and everything looked good
i told the doctor how much i take and he said it was very manageable
but i had to go ot kaiser to get some blood tests done
and kaiser
wow
kaiser
is horrible
so disorganized
i had to go to so many different buildings to get the tests ordered and certified and approved and
just a bunch of seemingly unnecessary shit
a hospital themed scavenger hunt


anyway thats all done
and i start taking suboxone this coming tuesday
hopefully it goes well
wish me luck

laying down

where
marmar's bed

wearimg
very short blue silk running shorts (victoria's secret)

watching
the royal tenenbaums
first time
kinda

wendy is very very annoying
this is a person
and she is a person
who is
i just dont understand how someone can live their life being so oblivious to their own incredible suckyness
also
she is not smart

ate
pizza
"yeah, well, what did you get on yo slice, big t?"
well sir or madam, i was get
well
in papjohns pizza code
it would be

BO+PE+ON+SL
that
's
peprrrrrrony "yes" blahck olives "vampire" awnyanz "onions" salamy


k back to the movie
more later
oh
if you see this
tell me what you think of the new title picture with the font

wow
im nodding off right now
so tired
until next time

sad post!

so m is in the bathroom so i thought i would make a quickie post
so i havent said this on here but
i want this to be
absolute truth
i am a drug addict
i am addicted to oxy contin
i take about 300mg a day
thats $150.00 a day
i need help
and im getting help
im going to a doctor this thursday
hopefully it will go well
so i think i lost christina
seriously
im not sure what anything means
apperantly im not worth remembering

the art of life, i

t="i had sekks wirth a gorrllla in zeh forest last week."
m-"why?"
t-"becauze iz waz hawt."


and now a haiku about my life

laying on my back
a bed, a pillow, a sheet
hey martha, want some skittles?

and there you are

heroin

morning
just got to work
woke up at 6:45 for a business call with coke
after staying on hold for 20min i find out it has been rescheduled
sleep in until way late
get to work late
sneak in through the ventilation duct
drop conveniently on to my spinny chair
eat top of orange muffin

thats what today was
also, my foot is asleep
and
lets see if there are funny pictures on my computer


....






this is "chomper dick", a creation of gabe, it existed in the second extasy era.


some cool graffiti i found on the internet


this is probably the least practical tank i have ever seen


stylin track bike


b-boy of yore

i just realized i never made a random site post which i said i would do in the previous post
well
im sorry
im not perfect
i mean
i cant always be thinking of you
sometimes i just like to think
and
just think my thoughts

new type of post

okay im going to start a new kind of post that i will probably do every other day or so if it works out. my idea is called R.I.C.W.F.R. and it stands for Random Interesting and or Cool Website i have Found Recently. yup so here it goes. i guess ill make a new post for this just to make sure everything is neat and tidy.

yup
oh yeah
so i just got to work
last night i played music with my black friend
he played guitar and i played keyboard
probably our best jam with a keyboard to date
yup
the new episode of the office was pretty bomb
it is amazing how stupid michael is but at the same time
he had has a few truly golden moments

okay
well
im going to do this R.I.C.W.F.R. post

a weekend with mother, in San Diego, the city of love

so this weekend i flew down to visit my mom in san diego. got there friday night and left sunday night. my mom was there for a medical conference with a bunch of her work friends. who by the way are such aunties (like: "ho, aunty!" or "check meh aunty!" or "try find my ho, aunty!"). I missed the distinct flava of the hawaiian aunty.

yep
so this weekend:
-shopping
-ralph lauren, keneth cole, j.crew, urban outfitters, levi's
-pancakes
-burgers
-fries

pretty productive weekend

yep
yep
yep
just ate some mickey d's hotcakes
well gotta start working a little bit
ill update when i get some down time
maybe with some HoT PiX.....LoL ^ . ^

the honest, uncensored, story of my life...

...in bullet form

-born in huston, texas, on december 27th 1987
-family moved to oahu, hawaii when i was 1
-graduated elementary school chubby & dorky
-met damian lyman and chris eblen
-lost my virginity listening to the white stripes, at the very awkward age of 14, to a girl named vicky.
-high school: le jardin academy.
-became anorexic
-met my first love anna
-dropped off the map and spent 3 years with anna never spending a second apart
-anna moves to germany and we break up
-graduate high school
-get drunk for the first time
-go to japan with damina lyman, chris eblen, & koyata tezuka
-drunkenly stumble around tokyo for 2 weeks -- greatest time of my life.
-go to germany to visit anna
-still infatuated
-go out with nikki because i was very lonely. i just felt like i needed someone to be my girlfriend no matter how little i actually cared about them. bad idea beans, nikki, the typical tiny/pretty/cute japanese girl, turns out to be very spoiled, stupid, and as implied before, i didnt care about her
-break up with nikki on christmas day to pursue christina
-fall in love with christina
-christina leaves for college and we do the long distance thing.
-things with christina are as perfect as i could have hoped for 6 months. then she flirts, holds hands, and lays in bed with another guy at some party, and things were never the same.
-have an over all good summer going out with christina sprinkled with horrible fights
-still love christina
-right before christmas break i break up with christina after months of fighting about many things and decide to go out with jessica to make christina mad
-christina gets mad
-christina and i almost kiss a couple times before she leaves while watching x-files (january 2008)
-still love christina
-i always planned on getting back together with christina when i moved to san francisco in january of 2008
-freak out and walk out of a final exam and soon after, drop out of university of hawaii, and decide to move to san francisco as soon as possible
-i think christina would be happier with her new boyfriend so i decide not to try and be with her
-jessica breaks up with me. and i feel pretty bad. the rebound girl that i dont even like that much breaks up with me, thats pretty low.
-start working as an intern at searchrev
-take up smoking
-buy a bianchi pista
-start riding bikes and actually feeling great about life
-get a full-time job at searchrev as a campaign manager
-live the good life for a while
-move to the city for a couple months
-move companies to a bigger media company, that accquired searchrev last year, called AKQA
-move back to my uncle's house in palo alto (45min south of sf) because im broke
-make a blog
-write this entry

......maybe a little bit censored

random pictures on my lap topp

-this is the high school me just chillin with the TRD (toyata racing development) camry


-one of my many car crushes, a jdm honda civic type r..... is that gay to call it a "car crush"?


-how about that seat angle? i must say, blingin campagnolo wheels though.


"stfu noob" wow.....


-my bike during its aerospoke phase

Halloween Costume Dilemma

so im kind of stuck here. i would feel lame just buying a costume without putting any work into it. but if i were to buy one it would be this deluxe authentic adult stormtrooper costume.

after lunch

http://www.booooooom.com
-indie/quirky/experimental/stylish art/film/music/and more
-there's a cool post about photographer, Thobias Faldt. Here's some of his latest pictures:

random bike pictures

i always wanted to ride bmx in middle school and high school but i never thought i was cool enough. i guess thats why i ride fixed gear now, because i didnt want to regret not having fun now. anywaysies, i still think bmx bikes are cool; here are some pictures on my work computer of bmx bikes that i found on the internet.

-special edition pk flyer from se bikes


-old school bmx





-some fly-ass mag wheels


-funny fixed gear bmx conversion - look at that seat post! and that chainring is pretty intense too.

bored at work, ichi

ate: greenish reddish apple & Odwalla strawberry banana smoothie

two fruity things
im craving something else
i need something less healthy

lust:

laying in bed

got pulled over for the fifth time this year. kinda fucked with the over-due parking tickets and these two new tickets
lying in bed

what is this?
another myspace?
no
this my friend
is the real deal

getting sleepy
goodnight

First Post

wearing: black and white plaid ralph lauren button down, pink neck tie with little blue anchors, levi's 510s, leather belt, black socks, & bass "larsons" penny loafers

sitting at my desk at work
things on desk: pencil cup, three mini buddahs, three astronauts, three mini japanese sword with matching sword rack, fake prada man bag, two computer monitors, phone, keybord, mouse, whoppers chocolate candies, & one solitary banana

things to do:
pay off parking tickets
figure out what health insurance is
floss
slow down sneaker consumption

that is a draft logo i did for my friend, who works with safeway, for her power point presentations around christmas time. anways she didnt like it so i spent a bunch of time on it for nothing. just wanted to put it somewhere so it wasnt a complette waste